Introduction

If our patterns once helped us survive, change doesn’t begin with pushing them away — it begins with understanding them. This blog explores how therapy supports a gentle process of “unbecoming” — loosening what no longer needs to be carried so tightly, and making space for choice, compassion and self-connection.

The Protective Parts We Carry

By the time many people arrive in therapy, they’re not bringing random habits — they’re bringing patterns that once kept them safe or connected. A part of you may have learned to stay busy, capable and in control because slowing down never felt safe. Another part may have learned to keep the peace, soften yourself, or stay small in tense moments — even when something in you longed to be seen.

These responses weren’t mistakes. They were solutions that made sense at the time.

In therapy, we don’t try to silence these parts. We turn toward them with curiosity — exploring when they first appeared, what they were protecting you from, and how they helped you cope when choices were limited. Often, once these parts feel understood, they don’t have to work quite so hard.

Where Unbecoming Begins

For many people, unbecoming doesn’t start with effort — it begins with noticing. The body often speaks first: a tight jaw in a difficult conversation, heaviness in the chest, the urge to withdraw before conflict even starts.

These reactions aren’t failures — they’re reminders of how the nervous system once stayed safe.

As understanding grows, the inner voice shifts from “What’s wrong with me?” to:

“Of course I respond this way — it made sense once.”

Shame softens. Compassion slowly expands. And new possibilities begin to appear.

How Therapy Supports Change

Therapy doesn’t force transformation — it creates conditions where change can emerge naturally. That may look like grieving what was never supported, allowing anger that once had no place, or offering warmth to younger parts who carried too much, for too long.

Over time, protective parts loosen, vulnerable parts feel safer to come forward — and choice becomes more available. Life begins to feel less like reacting from old survival stories, and more like responding from who you are now.

 A Moment of Reflection as You Carry This With You

You didn’t choose your early strategies. You adapted wisely.
Therapy is where these adaptations are honoured, understood and gently updated — not self-improvement, but self-returning.

If you feel ready to explore your inner world at your own pace, I’m here.
I’m Daniela Weetman, a Humanistic Integrative Counsellor in Lewes & online, offering a steady, compassionate space whenever the time feels right.